Setting the Record Straight

There are a lot of nasty rumors going around about my injury. Let's set the record straight. In an effort to save eight cents a gallon on gas (a sweet $1.05 savings in my Accord), I decided to take the car to the Mobil down the street after dinner with Jill and Jeff last night. I've come up with the following reasons that may have led to my decision to run to my car:

-My basketball game had been canceled when only three members of each team were able to fight the U2 traffic and get to Basketball City by 7:15 (Brad, Jeff, and I were not among those three), so I hadn't gotten my exercise for the day.

-I had just put my sneakers on for the first time in a few days and felt a sudden burst of energy.

-Jill is very shy and Jeff will go on for hours about the stupidest things, so I didn't want to leave them alone for too long.

-It was raining significantly harder when I left the shelter of my front porch than when I came in an hour earlier.

-I'm an idiot.

For some combination of the above reasons, I took off down the dimly lit street and lasted about six steps before my left foot hit a nasty pothole, sending me sprawling into a filthy puddle at the end of the neighbors' driveway. Before the pain came the embarrassment of my spill and the realization that I was still in my work clothes, so I sprung to my feet, only to find that the left one would be no good for walking. I hopped on one foot to the bottom of my front steps, where I yelled for Jill and Jeff, but to no avail. I crawled up the steps, lamely unlocked the front door, and was nursed by my sympathetic cousin, who knows more about ankle sprains than I know about Yankee wins, and my darling fiancee, who helped me to Ibuprofen, shot after shot of Southern Comfort, ice packs, ice cream, and fresh clothes, after my pants had soiled her favorite chair.

I took a sick day today to nurse the ankle, watched Talk to Her, rewatched the end of Touch of Evil, and threw in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs after realizing that Newbury Comics had sold me an empty case instead of The Apartment on DVD. Needless to say, the movie list was subjected to a massive shakeup by day's end.